The Gift of the Anachronisms
by Artemis Day
Summary: Valentine's Day is the most important day for couples. It's especially important for Darcy Lewis, who will stop at nothing to make sure her first Valentine's Day with Steve Rogers is one they will never forget!


**A/N: My gift for MyScarletLetter as part of the Steve/Darcy Valentine's Day fic exchange on AO3.**

* * *

This was not the first time Darcy had ever bought a Valentine's Day gift for a boyfriend. As long as she kept that in mind, she might get through this.

Steve was no different from her previous boyfriends anyway. Sure, he was a supersoldier, and sure, he was a world famous superhero and millions of women threw themselves at him daily. Sure, he was technically older than her grandparents and came from a time when TVs were a technological miracle, but aside from all that, Steve Rogers was a completely normal red blooded American man.

Oh, and there was that thing he did with his tongue. No mortal man could ever do that.

Two days before Valentine's Day, Darcy had just completed another afternoon of menial labor in the form of sorting through data files and refilling Jane's coffee mug. Said spacey scientist was in the middle of repairing one of her handheld wormhole measuring devices. There was another, more scientific name for it, but it was really long and Darcy hadn't been totally awake when Jane recited it to her. She didn't notice when Darcy stopped working and started spinning her chair around and drilling holes in the clock with her eyes. She willed the minute hand to tick faster. Thirty more seconds and she'd have the rest of the day to scour the city for Steve's perfect gift.

She leaped in the air when the clock struck five, cheering like a kid on the last day of school. That got Jane's attention. She had to push her chair all the way in so not to be hit by a Darcy-shaped bullet.

"I'm really glad you have such a strong work ethic," she said dryly.

"Can't talk Jane! I'm getting my man a Valentine's Day gift!" Darcy stuck her finger in the air. "My gift will be so good it'll make everyone who's not getting it cry."

"You do that," said Jane as she unscrewed a tiny bolt from her device.

Darcy zoomed out of the room, straight for the elevators. She pushed the call button, waiting two seconds, then ran right back the way she came. "I have no idea what to get him."

Jane looked up. "Are you serious?"

Darcy rounded on her. "Jane, you're the smartest person I know. What would you get for a guy like Steve?"

She'd momentarily forgotten that Jane's area of expertise skewed so far from dating that it was a wonder she even had a boyfriend. Then again, Bucky was kind of an oddball himself.

"What's something that Steve likes?" she asked.

Darcy mulled it over. "Fighting HYDRA?"

"What else?"

"Um… he reads a lot."

"Get him a book."

"I already got him a book for Christmas. I can't do it again!" Darcy fell back into her discarded swivel chair. It spun from the force of her body hitting it, until she was facing away from Jane. "This is our first Valentine's Day together so it has to be something special. Something no one else would ever think of."

"I don't think Steve will care either way," said Jane.

"I care!" Darcy exclaimed. "I've never been good at picking out gifts. Do you know how many relationships that cost me? One time, I gave my boyfriend a rock I painted our names on, and one week later, he dumped me for my best friend! Of course, we _were_ six at the time…"

While Darcy tapered off and fell into her sad reminiscing of past romantic failures, Jane seemed to figure out that she wouldn't be getting any work done for the rest of the day if she didn't get Darcy up and out of here fast. She set down her tools and turned Darcy's chair back around.

"Darcy, Steve loves you. He thinks you're the best thing in the world since the forties. That's what you need to remember. He's not some horny schoolboy looking for his first sexual encounter. He cares about you, and no matter what you give him, he's going to love it."

That was about the gist of what Jane said after 'best thing in the world since the forties.' Darcy would've liked to hear the rest, but a light bulb had gone off in her head so bright that it outshone everything else.

"That's it!" She screamed. "The forties! I have to get Steve a gift from the forties!"

Jane furrowed her brow. "The… forties? That's not really what I meant."

Darcy was already out the door. "I'm going to be the best girlfriend ever! Thanks, Jane."

She vanished before Jane could even think to say, 'you're welcome'. Trying to work out what had just happened was only bound to give her a headache, so Jane went back to her desk with her world of advanced physics and mechanics where things made sense.

For the next two days, Darcy scoured every antique shop in upper and midtown Manhattan for the most 1940-est 1940s thing she could find. When that turned up nothing, she drove out to Long Island and turned it upside down. Though many reputable places boasted a wide selection of WWII memorabilia, nothing really screamed 'Steve' to her. Mostly it was just toys and women's clothing with a few barely functioning kitchen appliances. One place was full to bursting with old USO show posters and Captain America action figures. Darcy bypassed that place entirely.

It wasn't until she raided a tiny corner store in the heart of New Jersey that a kindly old man who smelled strongly of nicotine introduced her to a gift so perfect, it might as well have had 'STEVE ROGERS' branded on the side with one of those things ranchers used to brand cows. Darcy didn't have one of those, but she did have a gigantic bow the size of her head that she bought at the local stationary store and a bunch of wrapping paper. She threw down her money and was on the George Washington bridge singing along to Crazy In Love within the hour.

On Valentine's Day she waited for Steve in the Avengers lounge, which was completely empty for once. As far as she knew, Stark was in some European city with Pepper, Thor was on Asgard hanging with his fuckbuddy slash best friend slash potential girlfriend Sif, and Jane was either seeing stars on the roof with Bucky or seeing stars in bed with Bucky. The rest just did whatever. She didn't know them well enough to say for sure.

The gift she had put her heart and soul into finding had been lovingly placed in a white box wrapped up with her giant bow on top. She had squeezed into a dress a size too small that was cut just above her thighs and pushed up her ample breasts to make them look even bigger. More than once, Steve had called her his 'living pinup girl', and tonight she was going to live up to that expectation.

He arrived promptly like the gentlemen he was. No 'fashionably late' bullshit for Steve Rogers, no sir. He was dressed to kill in a dark blue button up shirt and black pants. The shirt was not tight around his chest or his arms, but the top buttons were undone. That would do until it was time to start ripping clothes off with their teeth.

"Hey," he said. He looked over her appreciatively. His hands found her hips as he pulled her in for a long, languid kiss.

"Hey yourself," Darcy said against his lips. "I missed you. I can't keep going so long without you. I'll start having withdrawal symptoms."

"I'm not a drug," he said.

"I beg to differ." She kissed him again. "Okay, well, much as I'd love to skip straight to dessert, we do have some entrees to get through."

She bent over the couch unnecessarily far to get his present. She could feel his eyes on her ass. The outline of her panties would be pretty obvious.

"Here you go!" She proudly presented the massive bow with attached gift box to him. "Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Aw, Darcy," he said with a smile bright as the sun, "you didn't have to get me anything."

"The guidebook to being an awesome girlfriend that I just made up in my head says different," Darcy held up one finger. "Rule number one: always give your boyfriend the best Valentine's Day gift ever."

"What's rule number two?"

"That's for tonight," she said, winking. "Now shut up and open your present!"

Steve obediently took the package and ripped off the wrapping paper. She'd gotten a camo design just for him, even though it didn't match the bright red bow at all. Her other option, stars and stripes, had felt too obvious. Steve revealed a white box with the antique shop's logo stamped on it. He gave her a look and Darcy smiled innocently.

"I'm not that old," he said. He pulled his gift out of the box, holding it in the air to get a better look at it. His expression shifted. "This is though…"

Darcy cuddled against him, her head propped up on his shoulder. The jacket she'd gotten, outdated as it was, was just the right color black to bring out his eyes and make him look snappy as hell for a displaced 40's man. That last part was debatable, because it was possible Steve would never wear this in public (and she kind of hoped he wouldn't because the buttons and the fur trim made it look like a woman's coat), but Darcy could set that worry aside because oh was she so proud of herself.

"Nothing like a trip down memory lane," she said, nuzzling his neck. "I thought since the world has changed so much for you, it would be nice if you had something familiar."

"It… sure is." He put the jacket down, his frown sending a stab of fear through Darcy's chest so powerful that all good feelings were snuffed out in an instant.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Don't you like it?"

"I do," he said. He paused to lick his lips. He seemed to be struggling with how to continue.

"Wait, I know," Darcy said, mentally smacking herself. "You already have one, don't you?"

"Well, yeah, seventy years ago. It was an old hand-me-down from my father. Darcy, this kind of thing was in style when my _grandparents_ were young."

He gave a smile and a weak chuckle. This whole thing must've been hilarious to him. For Darcy, it was an unholy combination of humiliating and infuriating. "That guy at the store said it was top of the line forties fashion!" she shouted. "Fucking geezer. He lied to me!"

Darcy stomped across the room where she'd left her phone. She was going to give that son of a bitch a piece of her mind and demand her money back. He was lucky he was in his seventies and she'd been taught to respect her elders. Otherwise, he'd be going to bed every night with her taser jammed right up his ass. Before she could dial, Steve's large, warm hand wrapped around her wrist, and she found herself pressed against his metal slab of a torso.

"Darcy, it's okay," he said in her ear. "I understand what you were trying to do, and that means more to me than any gift."

"I know," she said. He turned her around and she buried her face in his chest. "I just wanted this to be perfect."

"Who says it isn't?" He walked her back to the couch and pulled a thin, square package from behind the armrest. "You still didn't open my gift."

Darcy took it and ran her hand over the green paper. It was smooth and big enough to cover her lap. Darcy ripped the paper off the middle and was met with the image of a devilishly smiling blonde man with a crystal in hand, placed over a white backdrop.

"Labyrinth," she said, removing the paper fully.

"Jane said it was your favorite movie growing up," said Steve, "and I found it in this new format called laserdisc. I don't think anyone else has it yet."

Darcy blinked. "Where did you get this?"

"Online," he said. His grin was slowly fading as he seemed to make sense of her less than enthusiastic reaction. "I thought we could watch it together, or do you already have it like this?"

"Umm…" Darcy bit her lip. "I did... at one point… not that long ago but you know..."

"This format isn't actually new, is it?"

"'Fraid not, Cap."

He groaned and put his head in his hands. "I knew it. Should've gotten you that gameboy thing instead."

Darcy moved the laserdisc to the coffee table and leaned her head on his shoulder. He responded by pulling her into his lap, allowing her to run her lips down the strong column of his throat. His hand came to rest on her thigh under the dress. He made a deep noise of approval as his body reacted to her ministrations.

"We really suck at gift-giving, don't we?" she said.

"That we do." Steve lifted her chin to claim her lips.

They enjoyed a steamy makeout session until Darcy needed to stop and catch her breath. By then, her hair was mussed and he had another few buttons undone. It was a tantalizing image, his chest heaving as he gave her a look that promised pure sin. It was therefore with great reluctance that Darcy climbed off of him and grabbed the remote to turn on the TV.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked.

"You got me my favorite movie," Darcy said, pressing a few buttons on the remote to bring up a solid blue screen. "That means it's time for movie night."

"But how are you going to play that thing?"

"Laserdiscs may be obsolete, my well-abbed friend," Darcy held up the futuristic remote control with a grin, "but Stark technology will never be out of style."

It only took ten minutes to set everything up. The laserdisc player from Tony's 'scrap room' connected to her laptop and projected onto the screen. Pretty soon, Darcy was humming along to Magic Dance and squealing over the enigmatic Goblin King, just like when she was a kid. She sighed dreamily when he made his first appearance, looking large and intimidating in his all black ensemble, surrounded by a powerful wind to scare the pants off poor Jennifer Connolly.

"First time I saw this movie, I had a dream that the Goblin King came to my room," Darcy said, lost for a moment in nostalgia. "Of course, things deviated significantly from there."

Steve raised an eyebrow at her. "Do I want to hear more of this?"

"Well, I seem to recall my dream Goblin King having amazing fingers-"

"I think it's time to turn this off." He picked up the remote, but Darcy slapped it out of his hands.

"Don't be so jealous. It's just David Bowie," she said. "The only people who never had the hots for David Bowie are the dirty liars."

He grumbled, but a quick kiss seemed to appease him. The movie went on as they curled up under the jacket for warmth. It was just big enough to cover Darcy and about half of Steve.

"Damn, he looked good in those tights," Darcy said. She eyed Steve closely, trailing down to his legs sticking out of the makeshift blanket. "In fact…"

"No," said Steve.

"What? I didn't say anything!"

"You were going to."

"And how do you know that?"

"You're not as unpredictable as you think you are, doll."

"Well maybe I was asking something else. What if I was going to make some popcorn or get you a coffee?"

"Were you?"

"I- um..."

" _No_ , Darcy."

"Bucky would wear it for Jane!"

"No he wouldn't, and even if he would, the answer is still no."

"Hmph. See if I wear anything sexy for you now."

"Still not doing it."

They fell back into silence, watching Jareth seduce Sarah in the ballroom after she ate the poisoned peach. He sang a slow romantic ballad to her. Darcy let the music and the lyrics wash over her. She felt so warm and safe here, in Steve's arms, not talking or kissing or fucking, but just _being_ with him. Maybe this was the perfect Valentine's Day after all.

"I love you, Steve," she murmured.

"I love you, too, Darc," he said, kissing her hair. "More than you'll ever know."

"Wanna bet?" she challenged. He rolled his eyes, ever exasperated by her antics. "What do you say for our birthday in June, we get each other some history books?"

"Works for me."


End file.
